Hollywood Screenwriter & joke, blog, book, writing services
“Steven Alan Green is ONE funny writer —— Everything I read of yours makes me laugh and think – Not just the kind words about me…But the insights you have for the Comedy racket….You’re Barbara Hershey, we are beaches. — The late Taylor Negron, actor, comedian, modern-day icon
I have been writing ever since I was a little boy writing to Santa. My credits are extensive and varied, my creativity and imagination is out of control and I've been recognized as "a really good writer" by some of the smartest writers, comedians and producers in Hollywood.
I hire myself out to all sorts of clients, from the male psychiatric nurse who is a children's party clown and needs a structured show, to the car company who needs their website content more sparkly and interesting, to the retired school teacher in Ojai who wants to publish a book based on her family recipes to the retired aerospace engineer who has a great idea for a movie screenplay, to the newest and hottest young stand-ups who need filler and improvement in their already solid set list.
Joke writer for several top L.A. club comedians. - current
Joke writer for Jay Leno on The Tonight Show Starring Jay Leno.
Joke writer for Arsenio Hall on The Arsenio Hall Show.
Staff joke writer for Jimmy “JJ” Walker.
Staff joke writer for The Frazer Smith Show on KMET.
Co-written feature length screenplays with and for Oscar winning producers and directors.
International Foreign Comedy Correspondent for The Fred MacAulay Show on BBC Radio Scotland.
Host of Comedy Central UK’s “South Park Weekend”.
2016 appearance on Conan.
stand up comedy material and act development
I’ve written jokes for many comedians, much of those jokes ended up on radio and television. I happen to have a real knack for jokes. I’m old school but not mold school. I know a lot of shit from how comedy has evolved and I’m always fascinated and learning more and more. I am a big fan of the current trend of young comedy. A seamless personal rant to garden of punchlines.
A good comedian opens with his second to best joke and closes with his best. An original comedian creates a new comedy language, which is established with the execution of his second joke. I know a lot of shit and to be honest, I don't know why. I was a comedian in London, England for 20 years. I was made Paid Regular at The Comedy Store and emcee. I wrote for Leno, Arsenio and many others. I still write and sell jokes to comics working the circuit.
STARTING A WORKSHOP IN HOLLYWOOD - TIME AND PLACE TO BE ANNOUNCED. If interested in finding out more, fill out the contact box below on this page.
BLOGS & BIOS
I approach all bios as a film pitch. I ask the client for 3 things: Their beginnings and inspiration, what they're doing now, and where they see themselves going. I then write a one-page professional looking bio, but a bio with a life to it. A bio with the "central character" as you.
I write a pretty popular blog for The Jewish Journal about comedy and theater. "Enjoy the Veal" is enjoyed by fans on both sides of the Atlantic. It's often personal and sometimes bizarre. I also write blogs for people, entertainment websites and business websites
BOOKS & EBOOKS
I've ghost-written dozens of books and eBooks for all sorts of clients. The process is collaborative, whereby we discuss, then I give myself assignments to write, such as Chapter One, then I edit and guide the entire process. From conception to final draft.
I've written dozens of feature-length screenplays, half-hour teleplays, one-hour teleplays. I'm a student of Story Structure guru Robert McKee and have written with and for Oscar and Emmy winning producers. I can take your kernel of an idea and work with you and create a fully ready to sell or produce screenplay.
SAMPLES, PRICES, HOW IT WORKS
I have samples of all my writing of all forms discussed above. If interested, contact me and we'll have a phone chat. I have clients worldwide, from Hollywood to London, England, to Tokyo. I usually require a deposit, then I send you a simple one-page contract that has payment and delivery dates. If it’s a screenplay, I require a “Commencement Fee”, then when I deliver the first draft, a second payment, then one more for revisions. The bulk payments are the first two.
I have found that when I client is “all in”, committed to finally writing that book they always wanted to or that screenplay or television idea their life partners and co-workers think is great — when the client is committed to the “job”, then things get done. Let’s say you hire me to write your book. Let’s say, after discussing it with you and reading anything you might already have written, and we agree to a $X,XXX 6 week contract. The way it works is you pay 40% down commencement fee, then another 40% on first draft delivery, then finally 20% for revisions.
YOU MAINTAIN OWNERSHIP OF EVERY IDEA CREATED AND WORD TYPED
I MAKE ALL BOOKS “CINEMATIC” TO THE HOLLYWOOD READERS - Many films are books first; books not published yet!
I CREATE BOOK AND FILM TITLES
I AM “SOMEWHAT” CONNECTED IN THE HOLLYWOOD AND LONDON FILM WORLD
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY….
LET’S CREATE AND HAVE FUN THEN YOU OWN IT AND BECOME A ZILLIONAIRE!!!
MY PRIDE AND REPUTATION
Are both important to me. Therefore, with every project I write for people? My heart is in it as if it were my own and my name is going on it. I'm intense, detail oriented and fun to work with. (fuck it; I’m in it for the money….TOO!)
Quotes & Endorsements -
if you knew who these people are? You’d be impressed!!
“SAG is a maven of comedy. He makes stream of consciousness look easy. He makes belligerence fun. He makes taking comedy seriously lighthearted. He makes me laugh.” -- Beth Lapides; creator and producer of Uncabaret (and Sex Goddess, IMHO)
“Steven Alan Green possesses the kind of writing that reminds you of when better writers were in the fore. He has a twist to the twist of phrase, that is his own. I am a big fan of his words.” -- Rick Overton, comedian & actor, HBO and Soderbergh’s, “The Informant”.
“Brilliant review of Ms. Karam’s tour de force, sir.” – Bill Zehme, Esquire, Vanity Fair, Playboy, Rolling Stone contributor and writer of the New York Times Bestseller, “The Way You Wear Your Hat: Frank Sinatra and the Lost Art of Living.”
“Enjoy the Veal is absolutely inspired stream of consciousness! Hysterical, funny, biting, insightful, grandiose. A surreptitiously diplomatic narrative smart enough to sanely and ultimately further his own self-interests. Green is a brilliant, but fatefully undisciplined comic genius, grabbing the baton, (i.e. QWERTY keyboard in this case) from the likes of Hunter S. Thompson and Norman Mailer (Think “Fire on the Moon”). Even if you don’t follow it all, it’s a wonderful runaway train ride consisting of his painful life experiences, his attitudes, observations and especially his misgivings. Kudos and hosannas!! About THAT, there are no misgivings on our part!” -- Danny & Joe, somewhere in England
If you want to have a quick phone chat, please fill out the simple contact form below and I'll get back to you within 17.5 seconds.
Thanks and keep dreaming!
Steven Alan Green